i love you so fucking much it hurts,
you taught me to ride my bike, to tie my shoes. you got me my first pet. i walked my first steps to you. you tucked me in at night. i was your little girl. you watched me grow up.
As i watched you fall down.
it’s unbelievable that at one point in my life i called you dad.
i don’t even know what to think anymore. Everything I knew was shattered right in front of my face. Values morals rules broken. All for what? you lost it, i don’t even see hope in your eyes, happy in your smile. its like glass. every emotion fake. just a front to get through the day. i would like to say sorry for giving up on you, but i cant. it’s better for me and everyone knows it. i poured my heart and soul into fixing you and you wanted nothing to do with it, nothing to do with me.
you hurt me more than a father should be capable. i hope one day you get help, and you can love again. i’d like to see you the man that i knew.




i wish i could forget it all. i wish i wasn’t haunted with these memories. i wish you didn’t fuck up so bad.

i remember when it was just me, you, zachary, and jacob. I was in preschool. you would give me a sticker of an angel if you felt i had done well at school that day. that was the last time i felt like i was important to you.